While the details of childhood and the makeup of each household are different, when unloved daughters tell their stories, patterns emerge. Culled from literally hundreds of stories that have been shared with me over years, here are some feelings all daughters of unloving mothers share.

1. That she is unlovable

Because maternal love is so essential to a daughter’s ability to thrive, even the love and care shown by others don’t assuage her belief that there’s something about her that stops her mother from loving her. Daughters report feeling this way as young as the age of three or four.

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