“Why is this so damn hard?” one woman messaged me after she read my original post. She’s 45, a mother herself, and in what she calls a strong marriage. She continues: “I’m smart, disciplined, and intellectually I know how my toxic mother has affected me. But...

Photo by Brooke Cagle. Copyright free. Unsplash.com It’s a testament to both the centrality and complexity of the mother-daughter relationship that, for many unloved daughters, the recognition of their wounding and its source comes late in life. Some women are in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and...

Photo by Yaoqui Lai. Copyright free. Unsplash.com In the years since I researched and wrote Mean Mothers, I’ve talked to women about our shared experiences. Every woman’s story is different; perhaps the greatest commonality is the discovery that each of us is not alone, that we...

Photo by Monika Koclajda. Used with permission. All rights reserved. It’s true enough that all daughters of unloving and unattuned mothers have common experiences. The lack of maternal warmth and validation warps their sense of self, makes them lack confidence in or be wary of close...